Playboy Changed The World

vargasNow that Playboy magazine has renounced nudity, it’s become an easy target — a misogynist relic of the 20th century — more silicon than substance.  Perhaps.  I don’t know.   Like most people, I don’t actually read Playboy anymore, so I’m in no position to judge.  However, I do know this.  If you’re over 35 and not dead, you’re part of the massive impact Playboy has on our society.

Take a look:

The Playboy Interviews read like a history book of our times:

Malcolm X, Jimmy Hoffa, Federico Fellini, Fidel Castro, Orson Welles, Ralph Nader, Marshall McLuhan, Ray Charles, Germaine Greer, Tennessee Williams, Jimmy Carter, Barbara Streisand, David Frost, Marlon Brando, G. Gordon Liddy, Lech Walesa, Ansel Adams, Jesse Jackson, Carl Bernstein, Imelda and Ferdinand Marcos, Yasser Arafat, Donald Trump, Martin Scorsese, Michael Jordan, Salman Rushdie and on and on and on.

In one single year, 1964, Playboy interviewed Vladimir Nabokov, Ayn Rand, Jean Genet, Ingmar Bergman and Salvador Dali.  And Playboy didn’t just follow what was trending; it tried to understand.  It interviewed Martin Luther King Jr. at the height of the Civil Rights Movement in 1965; Timothy Leary, when mainstream drug use was a brand new phenom in ’66 and Steve Jobs, immediately after getting booted out of Apple in 1985.  Plus, Playboy took some chances, like sending Alex Haley, the author of Roots, to interview George Lincoln Rockwell, the leader of the American Nazi Party.

Yes, Alex Haley wrote for Playboy and so did Norman Mailer, Gay Talese, Hunter S. Thompson and Gore Vidal.  There were others too, but the list of fiction writers is even more overwhelming:

Joseph Heller, Roald Dahl, Ian Fleming, Margaret Atwood, Haruki Murakami, Ray Bradbury, Bharati Mukherjee, Jack Kerouac, Kurt Vonnegut, Joyce Carol Oates, Philip Roth, Ursula Le Guin, Martin Amis and, once again, on and on — including four Nobel Prize winners: Saul Bellow, Isaac Bashevis Singer, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Doris Lessing.

In fact, if it wasn’t for the boobs, Playboy would be considered a literary magazine — one of the best.

But what about those boobs?

Some of the most beautiful women in the world have voluntarily taken their clothes off for Playboy:

Farrah Fawcett, Olivia Munn, Robin Givens, Katarina Witt, Ursula Andress, Tia Carrere, Kim Basinger, Elle Macpherson, Kate Moss, Catherine Deneuve, Shari Belafonte and Raquel Welch among many, many others.  The numbers alone take Playboy pictorials beyond sleazy.  Besides, is there any great distance between Charlize Theron and Titian’s “Venus of Urbino” or Naomi Campbell and Goya’s “The Nude Maja?”  Argue all you want about objectifying women, but if you want a lesson in that go to the pages of Vogue or Fashion or Harper’s Bazaar.  Rhetorically speaking, is a pouting, uber-skinny supermodel a more acceptable female image?  Or is it just that she’s covered up their naughty bits?

At 62, Playboy magazine is old and grey and nodding by the fire.  In a one-click universe where the most outrageous porno is at your fingertips and few people are willing to wade through serious pages of unbroken prose, Playboy is passé.  Eventually, it will dissolve into history — the history it helped shape.  Like it or not, Playboy changed the world — no doubt.  But, mostly, it let us be adults about sex and it single-handedly transformed sexuality from Downtown smut to Uptown sophistication.  It made smart sexy, and that’s what made Playboy cool.

Food Porn

food pornI’m becoming addicted to food porn.  In the 21st century, food is the new sex.  But I’m not talkin’ about Kate Upton and whatever she thinks she’s doing with Carl Jr.’s Jalapeno Patty Melt.  (BTW, nobody’s mouth opens that wide.)  No, I’m talking about something far more sensual than retro cleavage smut.

Food and sex have always been exotic playmates, joined at the lips — everything from phallic strawberries dipped in dripping chocolate to the mythological properties of oysters.  However, contemporary gourmets are redefining this sensual relationship.  They’re taking food one step beyond mere foreplay into an erotic world of its own.

Real foodies don’t just cook and eat anymore.  They see preparation and presentation as a slow seduction that begins in the marketplace rather than at the table.

They search for the first blush of ripeness, finding the freshest of willing flesh.  They trace the contours with their fingers, feeling the textures and tensions replying to their touch.  And they smell, filling their nose and mouth with scent, tasting the raw anticipation on their tongue.

They collect their ingredients and caress them with hot and cold and fire and spice until — intimately entangled — they open, melting and melding into each other until, finally, they release themselves in a blossom of flavour that spreads and spreads, all subtle and bold.

They dress this dish like a Degas painting, selecting just the right plate, position, and pose — the symmetry and the light suggesting, offering, allowing the eye the promise of taste.  That’s what they bring to the table.

And if all this isn’t erotic, I don’t know what the hell is.

7 People You’ll Meet On Facebook

internet1I love Facebook.  It’s like waking up in the morning and a couple of thousand people climb out of bed with you.  Then, before you know it, there’s this gigantic cocktail party going on.  However, as with all social gatherings, there are a few people you kinda want to avoid.  Here’s a quick and dirty guide to the folks you need to stay away from on Facebook.  (FYI — So far, I’ve managed to steer clear of this crowd.)

Games R Us — I’ve got nothing against playing video games, but these people are the crack addicts of the Internet.  They’re constantly posting their achievements, sending you points and invitations, and generally cluttering up your Newsfeed.  Why?  They want to get you hooked, too — so you’ll send them points and power-up crap and we can all be junkies together.

Puppies, Cats and Babies — Whatever you do, stay away from these people and their videos.  The cute will overwhelm you, you’ll end up giving all your money to the Save The Children Fund and your house will be overrun by 9 cats, 4 dogs, an African Grey parrot and a colony of hamsters.

I’ve Got My Caps Lock On — These folks are permanently pissed-off.  They post things like:

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Or they’ll rant on (in capital letters) about how the highschool kid at Starbucks™ misspelled their name, or the traffic was horrible, or work is torture. and on and on and on.  And don’t get them started on politics!  If you hang with these snarly buggers, you may never smile again.

Share Bear Comedians — These are the people who think Facebook is Pinterest.  They post funny memes 10, 12, 16 times a day and an assortment of videos where some unsuspecting somebody gets nailed in the jewels.  Sometimes this stuff is funny, but eventually you realize these folks have nothing to say and they’re saying it all day — every day.  Can you imagine how much time they spend online just finding this crap?

I Have An Infinite Soul — These are the people who believe they live on a higher plane of consciousness than everybody else and have a burning need to share their awareness.  They’re continually posting platitudes to demonstrate their deep thoughts.  Mostly these are meaningless, self-help homilies.

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This is easy — stay away from these pompous assholes.

I’m Going To Ruin Your Day — These are the people who post videos of blind dogs with no legs or kids with tubes in them or lonely old people on park benches or … Sweet Jesus! Just kill me now!  How the hell do you respond to this stuff?  “Gosh, I never realized the world was so full of torment and suffering.  I think I’ll just turn off my computer and cry for an hour or two.”

And finally:

I’m Old And You’re Stuck With Me — These are those sweet old friends and relatives who are still trying to figure out The Google.  Somebody set them up on Facebook, you friended them to be nice, and now they think every time you post something, they’re required to make some lame ass comment.  Plus, they’re somebody’s mom’s friend or an uncle Bill so you can’t unfriend them without feeling like a shit.  The best thing to do is just lol them once in a while and carry on.  (Most of them think lol means Lots of Love, anyway.)

GOOD LUCK!