Category: Travel

We’re Going To Florence

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We’re going to Florence!  No, not the state prison in Florence, Arizona – the real one – Firenze, Italy.  We were there a couple of years ago, but I had tendonitis so bad I could taste it, so I didn’t do a lot of walking – and Florence is a walking town.  It was built on the medieval model, narrow twisty streets, fountains and churches – great for 21st century tourists.  But Florence has one big advantage over the rest of Europe.  Back in the day, say, 500 years ago, there was a perfect storm.  A bunch of rich and ruthless capitalists wanted to demonstrate their power and a bunch of talented young artists wanted to showcase their exciting new ideas.  When they met, and discussed the possibilities, Florence became the maternity ward of the Renaissance.  And I’ve got a month to see it, up close and personal.  (Honestly, I’m not sure whose ghost I want to find first — Cosimo de’ Medici’s or Michelangelo’s)

Anyway, aside from putting on the brag, I said all this to say this blog is going to suffer – badly.  First of all, I’m going to be busy.  (There’s a bunch of wine and bruschetta with my name on it, waiting for me.)  Second, I’m not a travel writer.  (Believe me! I’ve tried.)  And thirdly, WiFi in Europe is hit-and-miss (Europeans love their phones.)  I’m going to keep things rolling but ….  So, gentle reader, if there are a few hiccups here and there please be patient, I’d appreciate it.  And, BTW, if anybody’s in the neighbourhood, the first glass is on me.

 

The Wonderful World Of Socks

sockamore1.jpgLast week, I got a free pair of Sockamore Socks from Sweden.  (You can find their website here — Sockamore Socks.)  The how and why of them are a long story that involves my Tasmanian e-friend, Claudette — who, BTW, has a platypus in her garden. (You can find her blog here) a couple of kickass Swedish entrepreneurs, and my own big mouth.  Of course, we all know there is no such thing as free socks so I agreed to write a free review.

Full Disclosure — Although I love Nordic Noir television (Wallander, Bergman, The Bridge) and the Sedin brothers, I do not drive a Volvo and I have never been to Sweden.  Up until a month ago, I had no idea Sockamore Socks even existed, and Christoffer is not my brother-in-law.  And, finally, yes, every man has his price — but mine is a lot more than 7.5 Euros worth of socks.  Therefore, this is a completely unbiased evaluation.

The In-shoe experience — The socks did exactly what they were told.  The heels stayed with the heels, and the toes stayed with the toes.  Even after one complete (3.8 km.) walk around the park, there was no bunching at the instep nor nasty elastic lines around the ankles.

The Out-of-shoe experience — Again, the socks did as they were told, and didn’t try to escape every time I took my shoes off.

The Cozy Test — I chose two typically cold, rainy January evenings for the cozy test.  On the first evening, I paired the socks with Earl Grey tea, ginger cookies and a reread of Dashiell Hammett’s The Thin Man.  The socks performed very well and were cozy enough to keep me from running for a blanket after 50 pages — but not so cozy that I fell asleep.  On the second evening, I paired the socks with Pepsi, Doritos and a binge watch of Berlin Babylon on Netflix.  Again, the socks conducted themselves admirably, remaining uniformly cozy through the entire 5- hour video viewing experience.

The Static Electricity Test — Unfortunately, the socks utterly failed this test.  I repeatedly rubbed the socks on the carpet, trying to build up enough static electricity to zap my wife on the back of the neck while she was washing dishes — with no result.

The Notice Me/Notice Me Test — This is a very important test because what the hell’s the sense of having the coolest socks in the world if nobody notices?  I chose the grocery store, the mall and a restaurant for this test — and there were mixed results.  While grocery shopping on a busy Saturday morning, no one noticed my socks.  Likewise, walking around the mall for a couple of  shopping hours didn’t result in a single “OMG! Where did you get those socks?”  However, the socks were noticed almost immediately in the restaurant — where, luckily, the server wasn’t injured when she stumbled over my outstretched feet.

The Creative Use Test — Although the socks didn’t work at all in the Oven Mitt test, they entertained a two-year-old quite adequately in the Sock Puppet test.  Plus, in the Folded-Into-A-Ball test, they performed well at kitchen table hockey, get-down-from-there-you-stupid-cat (no animals were harmed during this test) and indoor hacky sack.

The Results — Overall, Sockamore socks do exactly what socks are supposed to do; however, they have two unique features rarely seen in the sock world.  One, they’re fun.  Normally, socks are like accountants: totally necessary and terminally dull.  Sockamore socks are not dull, and as you can see from the photos, I’m into fun socks and know the difference.  Two, and much more importantly, Sockamore socks are the perfect gift — not too expensive and not too cheap — with just the right amount of amount of I-was-thinking-about-you to make it stick.  Birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and even matching socks for a wedding present!  Think about it: for less than 100 Euros, you can wipe out half your Christmas list!  The best thing to do is just go to their website, Sockamore Socks, and get creative.  Tuck a pair in a fruit basket, or a Thank You card, or give the jerk at work a retirement gift and what better way to say “Get Well Soon” than with a pair of socks?  Let your imagination be your palette and see where it takes you.  Who knows?  You could end up even treating yourself to a little Swedish mysig.

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And now I’ve added Sockamore socks to my collection

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photos by Lady C (Carolyn Bourcier)

It’s Travel Season

travelOMG! It’s travel season!  I almost missed it this year ’cause I’m not actually travelling.  Why?  It’s a long story but the punch line is (like most punch lines) money — or the eternal lack of it.  However,  here are a few tips so YOU can get the most for YOUR money when travelling.

Before You Go:

1 – Learn “Hi,” “Good-bye,” “Please,” “Thank You,” What Time?” “How Much?” and “Where’s the toilet?” in the language of your destination.  You’ll get more information, accurate directions and better service.  Or you can just practice pointing and grunting.  That works too.

2 – Pack one suitcase — one. Make sure you can lift it over your head.  If you can’t, keep taking stuff out of it until you can. If you still can’t — stay home!

3 – Watch YouTube videos of your destination.  Ignore everything but the people in the background.  These are the locals. Notice they’re not wearing lederhosen or wooden shoes. Nor are they wearing vulgar t-shirts, socks and sandals, half-naked anything, sweatpants or pajamas.  Dress appropriately or expect to get laughed at, robbed and definitely charged the ignorant tourist price for everything.

After You Get There:

1 – Lose the gigantic bag (backpack) and all the junk that’s in it. Unless you’re hacking your way through Borneo, you don’t need all that crap.  And, BTW, if you have a selfie stick, go out in the alley and beat yourself to death with it.

2 – Shut the hell up!  The people around you live there and they usually speak English. They don’t need a running commentary about how awesome or awful their country really is. If you must rattle on like a starling in mating season, at least lower your voice.

3 – The world is not overrun with gypsies, tramps and thieves; however, they are available. If you insist on waving wads of cash around, strolling the darkened alleys of Barcelona at 3 a.m. or leaving your wallet, pants and purse on the beach chair while you have outrageous sex in the bushes, you will get robbed.  Use your head!

Change Your Attitude:

1 – Never comparison shop.  The way “we do things back home” is irrelevant. You went to a foreign country on purpose; don’t bitch about it.  Go with what you’ve got, even if you don’t totally understand it.

2 – Don’t sweat the details. If you’re getting scammed, robbed or beaten up, definitely complain. Otherwise, give it a rest.  Ripping into the waiter is not going to change the V.A.T, the sauce or the level of service. (It will, however, increase the jackass population by one.)

3 – The foreign culture you’re so desperately looking for is happening all around you. Quit running at breakneck speed to the museums, art galleries and historical monuments, trying to find it.  Relax, and the real culture will come to you.

Now that you’ve got these guidelines, I’m going to tell you the quickest way to turn an ordinary vacation into something completely different.

Find a bar or cafe close to where you’re staying. Go there every day for a beverage, either first thing in the morning or last thing at night. These places are great. They force you to stop, settle down and smell the amaretto. However, more importantly, most tourists don’t do this (they’re too busy doing tourist stuff) so after about the third day, the people working there will take custody of you. You will cease to be just another tourist and become their tourist. They’ll take a personal interest in the good time you’re having in their town. This works best in smaller places, but it happens everywhere. Remember, the local folks can tell you more about where they live than Trip Advisor ever thought of. These are the people who buy clothes, go to local restaurants and take their kids to the puppet shows.  They also have friends, aunts and cousins who sing in the local band or make jewelry or might be convinced to take you up-river. Not to brag, but I’ve been invited to an illegal Kachina ritual, had a personalized tour of the cliffs of Cornwall, sung “Hasta Siempre” with a band on stage in Havana, and danced with an hereditary Polynesian princess in a South Seas thunderstorm – all because I like a second cup of coffee in the morning.

Happy Trails!