Category: Uncategorized

MITT ROMNEY … OR ELSE! (Part I)

Every four years, whether anybody likes it or not Americans stop whatever they’re doing and turn on each other in a ten-month, bare-knuckle brawl called “Who Wants to be the President.”  It’s sort of an itty bitty Civil War that keeps the most powerful nation on earth from having the real thing.   In the past, nobody outside the fifty states cared very much about it until October, when most of the fighting was over and it was down to the final four.  However, somewhere around the time CBS cancelled The Sonny and Cher Show, the rest of the world started taking an interest in how Americans went about electing their head of state.  In those days, Jimmy Carter was president, and he was such a dolt people all over the world wondered how he’d got there.  This year, 2012, is once again a presidential election year, and as of yesterday, the war’s on.

In general, potential presidential candidates could give drama lessons to Gossip Girl.  They’re always talking about how this particular election is the most important one in history and how the future of our species depends on how the people in Michigan’s fifth congressional district vote.  With a few notable exceptions, like 1860 and 1940, this is crap.  For example, at the time, 1976 was called a pivotal year in American politics.  However, we now know that the difference between “Jimmy” and “Jerry” was minimal.  Usually, somewhere between the election and the inauguration, most presidents get sorted out.  Even though there have been a number of bad ones, none of them has actually ruined the country.  The problem is since every candidate since Washington’s Farewell Address has cried wolf, nobody believes it anymore when the sheep are actually being eaten.

We live in such a time.  If history is any judge (and it will be) 2012 will be a serious date in the continuum of our planet, and the next president is going to have to lead, follow or get the hell out of the way.

To be brutally honest, 2008 was a throwaway election.  America needed a vacation after eight years of George Bush.  On the one hand, you had a young, handsome, intelligent candidate who could talk circles around Daniel Webster and Clarence Darrow combined.  On the other, you had a guy who had actually shot at godless Commies, way back in the Cold War.  Pair the old guy with a Kardashian wannabe, and you had a slamdunk for Prince Charming from Chicago.  With the media leading the voting public in the chorus from “I Need a Hero,” the only bona fides Barack Obama ever had to provide were that he wasn’t George Bush.  Nobody bothered to ask him who he was or what experience he was bringing to the table.  Four years later, America and the world have discovered that on-the-job training doesn’t really work when the job is President of the United States.

Barack Obama is not a bad guy.  He’s not out to ruin the world or the country or even the American middle class.  He just doesn’t know what he’s doing.  He’s demonstrated that beyond redemption right from day one when he had to ask the Secret Service where the bathroom was.  It’s not that he’s stupid; he just doesn’t have any experience.  When he walked into the White House four years ago his resume consisted of Community Organizer (whatever that is) Illinois and U.S. Senator.  That’s it!  And he spent over half his time as a U.S. Senator outside the Senate, campaigning to be President.  That’s like that kid Eddie down at the convenience store (no offence, Eddie) getting promoted to CEO of the 7/11 Corporation.  For the last four years, the country has been without adult supervision — and it shows.  But here’s the kicker: Obama now believes he’s figured it out, and he wants to keep his job.  That’s the problem!  The Democrats can’t dump him now.  If they did, they might just as well hang a vacancy sign on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and get it over with.

And all this brings us back to the first punches thrown yesterday in New Hampshire. (The Iowa Caucus was just a bunch of crybabies saying “Me first!”) As of this moment, it’s the responsibility of the Republican Party to make sure Barack Obama leaves a forwarding address.  Why?  Because this is the most important election since Ronald Reagan put a stop to Jimmy Carter in 1980.

Friday; Why the Republicans have to reclaim the White House.

 

How Edward the Mouse Found Christmas

 

C. Bourcier

It was one night from Christmas, and Edward the mouse
Was dreaming mouse dreams in his tiny mouse house.
He dreamt of his presents tucked under the tree:
A skateboard, an iPad and an Android 3G
Some new Uggs, Adidas and Old Navy jeans,
Just like all of the ads that he’d seen on TV
Little mouse trains and hi-def PVRs
Posters and iPods and little mouse cars.
He snuggled in bed as on his dream went,
For his e-mail to Santa had been promptly sent.
And to help Santa’s weight, he left five carrots sticks
And sugar-free soda to wash them down with.

Now Edward the mouse wasn’t greedy, you see,
But he’d been a good mouse (or at least, tried to be)
He’d done everything right and taken great care.
Now Christmas was here and he wanted his share.

Then the digital clock that sat by his head
Shone midnight, and Edward awoke in his bed.
The oddest of sounds, thought Edward, and then
He listened quite hard and he heard it again.
It sounded like someone was out by the tree,
So Edward got out of his bed just to see.
He tiptoed around and he took just one peek
And what he saw there would make any mouse squeak:
Santa Claus! – was holding one carrot stick out
To one of his reindeer who chomped it right down
“Oh my Gosh!” said Edward the mouse right out loud
When Santa heard that – well, he turned right around
And said, “What have we here?  A mouse has slipped in.”
And the reindeer walked over and casually sniffed him.
Now Edward was frightened – he felt rather sick,
But Santa said, “Thank you for these carrot sticks.
My reindeer quite like them, as you probably know.
Myself, I like milk and fudge Oreos.
Now Edward mouse, you should be in your bed,
Not sneaking around here and squeaking instead.
But since you’re awake, come here and you’ll see
What present I’ll leave for you under the tree.”
Then Santa reached over and pulled from his sack
Gourmet Cheese in the Holiday Pack!
It had Muenster and Gouda and Natural Swiss
And one small salami (for flavour, I guess)
Edam and cheddar and something called Brie,
And little wheat crackers to go with the cheese.
It was wonderfully made and wrapped ever so nice,
Especially packaged for yuppies — and mice.
But Edward the mouse just stood there in shock.
This was nothing his little mouse mind ever thought:
No iPod?  No skateboard?  No Android 3G
So where was his Smart Phone? Oh, what could this mean?
He’d been a good mouse (or at least, tried to be.)
This was supposed to be Christmas all magic and dreams,
And Edward the mouse didn’t know what to say.
But Santa Claus smiled in his own special way.
He looked down at Edward and patted his head,
Twinkled his eyes, and quietly said,
“I know that you’ve seen all those ads on TV,
But what would a mouse do with Old Navy jeans?
The legs are too long and the pockets too deep.
Now I have to go, and you have to sleep

And on Christmas morning, Edward the mouse,
Got out of his bed in his tiny mouse house.
He ran for the tree and looked at his cheese
And never could ever a mouse be so pleased:
‘There’s more than enough cheese for me,” Edward said
“I’ll take it all out and share with my friends!
I’ll give them the Gouda, and Edam is nice.
Oh, they’ll be so pleased; they’ll be such happy mice!”
So he grabbed all the cheese and he left — just like that
(Of course, he remembered his coat and his hat)

But as he rushed out with the cheese he would share,
He’d forgotten the stocking he’d hung with such care.
So happy to give, our mouse didn’t know
There was one mouse-sized skateboard tucked into the toe.

Merry Christmas

The Euro Crisis and the Golden Rule

I’m amazed at how long it has taken our European friends to realize what reality looks like.  It’s as if they got into the Christmas cheer back in 1989 and never got out.  If you recall, that was the year the two different Germanys danced on the wall and all was well with the world.  At that time, the idea was that without a bothersome Iron Curtain messing things up, Europeans could finally learn to live with each other and become the superpower they were always meant to be.  This has been Europe’s elusive dream ever since Hadrian ruled all the good bits of the continent at the high-water mark of the Roman Empire.  The cunning plan was to slowly integrate everything from the North Sea to the Mediterranean and create an economic powerhouse that would fear nothing in its path.  What a difference a generation makes!  These days, the Germans aren’t dancing anymore — and neither is anybody else.  The grandiose schemes of 1989 got waylaid — for good and sufficient reason.  Europe is now on the brink of a catastrophe that would make the fall of the Roman Empire look like a minor inconvenience.  So, after only twenty years to think about it Europeans are suddenly looking around for — as Monty Python once said to an astounded television audience — “Something completely different!”

Even as you read this, Merkel and Sarkozy are discussing (plotting is such a hard word) ways to take over Europe.  In the 3,000 years of recorded European history, there has never been such a reluctant power grab.  Neither one of them wants this (although Sarkozy has that suspect Napoleon thing going on) but at the end of the day, they have no choice.  They have to do it.  It’s either that or there isn’t going to be a Europe to take over.  Time is running out, so whatever they do had better be big and bold and work right out of the box.

You need to understand something about the European situation before you can understand what Merkel and Sarkozy are up against, however.  There’s a difference between the European Union and the Euro zone.  Not all countries in the European Union use the Euro.  Great Britain, Denmark and Sweden among others, still use their own pounds, krone or what have you.  Therefore, their stake in the game is quite different.  Even though their national currency is not going to be at the epicentre of the financial earthquake, the non-euro EU members are obviously going to take a serious kicking if the Greeks, Italians and Spanish hit the fan.  Plus, they’re probably going to be on the hook for any attempted bailout.  You don’t have to be a Euro sceptic to see more liabilities than benefits.  If things in Europe aren’t fixed pretty quickly, there’s a real danger that a lot of people will be wondering just how much this Euro experiment is actually worth and they might even start looking around for the exits.   Merkel and Sarkozy already know that it’s not just the Euro that’s at stake here but the future of the European Union itself.

Merkel and Sarkozy need to forget about integrated economies, long term solutions, ECB realignment, blah, blah, blah, and restore some confidence in the Euro – today.  The Euro is an unusual currency.  Like the magician’s assistant in the levitation trick, there’s nothing holding it up.  Whole books have been written on what the Euro is and isn’t, but they all boil down to the same thing – faith.  The Euro is based on the simple idea that 400 million Europeans are willing and able to pay.  That’s it.  The Euro is in such dire straits right now because nobody believes that anymore.  The big money boys are looking at the balance sheets and thinking they’re about to get left holding the bag — and it’s going to be full of useless paper.  Therefore, like Sunday morning evangelists, Merkel and Sarkozy need to convince them that as long as they keep the faith, they’re not going to go to hell.

The only way they can do that is quit applying billion dollar band-aids and lay down a heavy duty set of rules.  As of this morning, the nations of the Euro zone need to start taking their fiscal marching orders from the bureaucrats in Berlin.  It’s the only way the banks are ever going to refinance the ridiculous mortgage the Europeans have saddled themselves with.  If Germany and her little sister, France, are willing to co-sign an unlimited line of credit to the southern half of the continent — and put up their taxpayers as collateral — they need to have a serious repayment plan.  Otherwise, they are just going to be sucked into the bottomless financial pit the Europeans have been digging down south.  This isn’t about national sovereignty or petty politics; it’s cold, hard economics.  Anything less and the crisis just deepens and threatens the European Union itself.

Merkel and Sarkozy have got to get tough and invoke the Golden Rule: We make the gold; We make the rules.