Oscars — 2020 (Part 2)

oscar

Normally, ten minutes after the Oscars are over, I’ve quit complaining and moved on.  However, this year, bland as Oscar has become, there was a bunch of stuff that stuck with me.  Nothing earth-shattering, but just a few random thoughts beyond who won for Best Animated Short Subject.

For the third year running, Hollywood fashions suck.

I have no clue who Billy Porter is, but apparently he’s a “fashion activist” — and if that isn’t a contradiction in terms, I don’t know what is.

Bare shoulders and dragging hemlines are ridiculous trends outside California in the middle of February.

Kirsten Wiig came dressed as a large red lasagna noodle.

Diane Keaton remains trapped inside Annie Hall.

Joaquin Phoenix remains trapped in 1968, definitely takes his coffee black and really, really likes cows.

Tom Hanks is such a good actor he replaced both Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson as the Old Person in the Front Row.

When Brie Larson, Sigourney Weaver and Gal Gadot come out together to present an award, you know the fix is in.

“Let It Go” is a way better song than “Into the Unknown.”

I’m so old I remember when Elton John was an eccentric heterosexual.

The Oscars would get a lot more people watching if they had cool commercials like the Super Bowl.

Imagine my surprise when Greta showed up!

This is the second time the Joker has won an Oscar, so I’m pretty sure Helena Bonham Carter and Elizabeth Banks are at least thinking about it.

If you close your eyes and listen, Jane Fonda is still Barbarella.

From the look on Billie Eilish’s face, she had no idea what Eminem was doing performing at the Oscars (and, quite frankly, neither did I.)

You can make a mediocre year for movies look good if you haul in a bunch of Koreans.

And finally:

Oscar still hates Martin Scorsese.

Fun Stuff For The Oscars

film

I’m going to watch the Oscars again on Sunday — even though I’ve been mad at them for over twenty years.  (Braveheart? The English Patient? Titanic?  Give me a break!)  I watch every year ’cause I love movies and — like it or don’t — Oscar is the Big Kahuna!  However, I think the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is packed with a bunch of pompous asses.  And while I don’t mind if a crowd of obscenely rich people want to prance around, congratulating each other on how awesome they are, I do object to them telling us ordinary folk how to save the world.  Quite frankly, Hollywood people live so high up in their Tinsel Tower they can’t see the common people for the cloud cover.

This year’s Cause Celebre is women, so the Red Carpet won’t have as much colour and cleavage as we’re used to, but at the end of the day, remember — it’s still about the movies.  So, to enhance your experience, here are a few fun facts about this year’s Oscars.

I’m no Nostradamus, but I think it’s a safe bet to predict a) President Trump will get a whippin’; b) the same people who were applauding Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey a couple of years ago will be pushing each other out of the way to get a kick in (BTW, Louis CK will not be mentioned); and c) one of the Grande Dames — might be Meryl/might be Oprah — will give an impassioned speech about change.

This year’s host is Jimmy Kimmel (for the second time.)  This is a guy who made his bones on The Man Show which featured, among other things, Topless In America, Girls on Trampolines and The Juggy Dance Squad.  Somehow, I don’t think that kind of obsession with breasts really catches the zeitgeist of contemporary Hollywood.  (Just sayin’.)

And as an extra added attraction, it will be interesting to see if Kimmel continues his mischievous faux feud with Matt Damon, who, as far as I know, is still persona non grata this award season.  (Don’t worry, Matt! Even Mel Gibson got rehabilitated.)

Despite the long tradition, Casey Affleck has chickened out and will not present the Oscar to this year’s Best Actress.  Personally, I think it’s because none of the nominees wanted to get that close to the guy.  His brother Ben (two-time Oscar winner) probably won’t be there either considering he got caught — on tape — groping Hilarie Burton.  (Those Affleck boys!  What a couple of scamps!)

And finally:

In a town where money talks, it’s interesting to note that, of the top 10 money-making movies of 2017, not one has been nominated for Best Picture!  In fact, more people paid money to see Wonder Woman (#10 on the list) than all the Best Picture nominees combined!  The big question then is, if these 9 nominees for Best Picture of the entire year are so damn good, how come most people didn’t bother to go see them?

I have the feeling that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences just told all us common folk, in no uncertain terms, that we prefer crap!

And The Oscar Goes To……WTF!

oscarsThe Academy Awards are over for another year.  What a joke!   The one bright spot was Neil Patrick Harris and he’s still getting pummelled across Social Media.  Quite frankly, at 87, Oscar is showing his age.  It’s like going to visit your aunt at the Seniors’ Centre and discovering it’s Crafts Night.  Suddenly, you’re up to your ass in hideous homemade crap, and you’ve got to figure out something nice to say.  This year’s Academy Awards were as big a disappointment as they have been for the last decade, but  then Oscar has always been a bit dotty.  (Remember: Ben Affleck has gotten the statue — twice!)  Here are just a few of the Academy’s major malfunctions.

Actors/Actresses
Richard Burton, Montgomery Clift, Leonardo Dicaprio and Edward Norton have never won an Oscar.
Greta Garbo, Ava Gardner, Sigourney Weaver and Annette Bening haven’t, either.
Peter O’Toole — who played Lawrence of Arabia, Henry II (twice) Mr. Chips and Maurice Russell — wasn’t good enough to get an Oscar, and neither is Glenn Close, Dangerous Liaisons and Fatal Attraction, notwithstanding.
Alan Rickman, Isabella Rossellini and Donald Sutherland have never even been nominated!

Films
Crash beat out Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture in 2005
Sylvester Stallone’s  Rocky won over Taxi Driver in 1976
In 1955, Marty wiped the floor with East of Eden and Rebel Without a Cause, probably because neither of them was even nominated.
And, in what can only be called the biggest WTF moment in cinematic history, How Green Was My Valley beat Citizen Kane for Best Picture in 1941.

Directors
Stanley Kubrick never won an Oscar, and, so far, neither has Ridley Scott.

However, for my money, the thing that Oscar and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Science will never live down is screwing Alfred Hitchcock over for 40 years.  Yeah, they gave him the Irving G Thalberg Memorial  in 1968 — but big deal — it isn’t actually an Oscar.  Hitchcock knew it, too.  His entire acceptance speech was “Thank you…very much indeed.” and then he walked out.  Well played, Alfred.  Well played!