Cancel Culture – A Quiz

We live in dangerous times. These days, everybody’s looking over their shoulder for the ominous shadow of cancel culture. Anything you say, can and will be used against you — with disastrous consequences. And it’s impossible to know what is and what is not acceptable. For example, last month, Mr. Potato Head was just a toy (a pretty lame one, actually.) Now, it’s a sexist symbol of exclusion and oppression. (BTW, you might think your life is crap right now, but it’s never going to be as crappy as the lives of people who are worried about the gender of a plastic potato.) Anyway, not since the Reign of Terror have so many, been so frightened, by the opinions of so few. But it’s real! People are losing their jobs for not toeing the politically correct line. One woman made an insensitive Tweet, went to sleep, woke up in the morning and discovered she’d already been fired.

But help is on the way. Here is a quiz that will assist you in navigating the minefield that is contemporary culture. Each statement is either true or false – you have to figure out which. The answers are at the end. You get one (1) point for every correct answer and minus five (5) for every wrong one. (That’s the way politically correct works!) Then multiply your score by 5 and that’s your “woke” percentage. Be honest, good luck — and if you use Google, you’re already screwed.

1 — A Star Trek super-fan was told his personalized license plates “ASIMIL8” (“Assimilate,” catchphrase of the Borg) was being recalled because it represented cultural genocide and was offensive to indigenous people.

2 — Speaking of Star Trek, the first press release for Star Trek Voyager described Security Officer Tuvok as an “African American Vulcan.”

3 — The term YOLO (You Only Live Once) has been deemed offensive to Hindus and other religions that believe in reincarnation.

4 — Advertisers are replacing the word “pyjamas” with “sleepwear” to avoid charges of cultural appropriation because the word “pyjamas” was borrowed during the British colonization of India.

5 — A local city council in the UK has banned the term “brainstorming” because it is offensive to people with epilepsy.

6 — Shanghai DisneyLand has removed all references to Winnie the Pooh so as not to offend the people of China.

7 – A number of universities have banned clapping at all public performances because that might trigger anxiety in nervous people.

8 — Transvestites have been banned from Gay Pride parades because they’re considered offensive to true transgender people.

9 – The word “hysterical” is unacceptable because it is derived from the Greek word for uterus.

10 — There is a claim that calling someone “exotic” has “nasty racial overtones” and is a micro-aggression.

11 — The Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau, once corrected a woman audience member for saying “mankind” by saying, “We like to say peoplekind, not necessarily mankind. It’s just more inclusive.” and was accused of mansplaining.

12 — The standard size of chairs in arenas, auditoriums, airplanes and classrooms is considered a micro-aggression against people who are overweight.

13 — The word therapist is being replaced with counselor or analyst to avoid subconsciously triggering people who may have been sexually assaulted.

14 – Now that “heart attack” has been replaced with “cardiac event,” the acceptable term for fatal heart attack is “life-limiting experience.”

15 — In many jurisdictions, the term police force has been changed to police service because the word force is considered too confrontational.

16 – Some universities have stopped using trigger warnings because there is concern that warning students about offensive material might actually trigger emotional distress.

17 — “Long time, no see” and “No can do” are unacceptable because they mock the English dialect of 19^th century Asian American immigrants.

18 – The name of the string instrument mandolin has been changed to Italian lute to be more inclusive and reflect that both men and women play it.

19 — Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations is under pressure to remove “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” because it’s sexist to suggest that women are more vindictive than men.

20 — An advertisement for exercise bicycles, featuring a man (presumably a husband or boyfriend) giving a woman an exercise bicycle as a Christmas gift, was pulled off TV for being overtly sexist.

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ANSWERS

True – The guy’s still fighting it in court.

2 — Speaking of Star Trek, the first press release for Star Trek Voyager described Security Officer Tuvok as an “African American Vulcan.”

Also true — even though the planet Vulcan probably doesn’t have either an Africa or an America.

3 — The term YOLO (You Only Live Once) has been deemed offensive to Hindus and other religions that believe in reincarnation.

False. But, on second thought …

False — but you don’t actually see the word “pyjamas” around much anymore, do you?

5 — A local city council in the UK has banned the term “brainstorming” because it is offensive to people with epilepsy.

True — It’s has been replaced with “thought showers.”

6 — Shanghai DisneyLand has removed all references to Winnie the Pooh so as not to offend the people of China.

True — Guess why?

7 – A number of universities have banned clapping at all public performances because that might trigger anxiety in nervous people.

True — There are two (that I could find) in the UK and several in the USA.

8 — Transvestites have been banned from Gay Pride parades because they’re considered offensive to true transgender people.

True — The most notable case was in Glasgow in 2015, but there have been a number of other places, as well.

9 – The word “hysterical” is unacceptable because it is derived from the Greek word for uterus.

True — Many “woke” writers have made the case that linking hysteria and women is inherently sexist. (Apparently, the ancient Greeks were insensitive bastards.)

10 — There is a claim that calling someone “exotic” has “nasty racial overtones” and is a micro-aggression.

True — The convoluted argument is that if you’re “exotic” you’re not from here; therefore, you’re being excluded.

True — Unfortunately, this is absolutely true.

12 — The standard size of chairs in arenas, auditoriums, airplanes and classrooms is considered a micro-aggression against people who are overweight.

True — and several organizations have taken that argument to court — especially against airlines

13 — The word therapist is being replaced with counselor or analyst to avoid subconsciously triggering people who may have been sexually assaulted.

False … so far

14 – Now that “heart attack” has been replaced with “cardiac event,” the acceptable term for fatal heart attack is “life-limiting experience.”

False — although I like the sound of that.

15 — In many jurisdictions, the term police force has been changed to police service because the word force is considered too confrontational.

True

16 – Some universities have stopped using trigger warnings because there is concern that warning students about offensive material might actually trigger emotional distress.

True — One wonders if they’re even teaching controversial subjects anymore.

17 — “Long time, no see” and “No can do” are unacceptable because they mock the English dialect of 19^th century Asian American immigrants.

False — No lesser authority than the OED has judged both phrases have been in common use for many years by a number of ethnic groups.

18 – The name of the string instrument mandolin has been changed to Italian lute to be more inclusive and reflect that both men and women play it.

False

19 — Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations is under pressure to remove “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” because it’s sexist to suggest that women are more vindictive than men.

False — although a number of quotes have quietly disappeared from the pages over the last few years.

20 — An advertisement for exercise bicycles, featuring a man (presumably a husband or boyfriend) giving a woman an exercise bicycle as a Christmas gift, was pulled off TV for being overtly sexist.

True — And aside from a ton of free publicity, I’ve never been able to figure out why.

Why Young People Are Grouchy!

bored

After years of research, I’ve discovered why young people are grouchy all the time. It’s pretty simple, really. They’re bored out of their skulls. The problem is, despite the entire 21^st century lying at their feet like a cornucopia of earthly delights, they have so many politically correct rules of engagement that they’re scared to touch it. Let me explain.

They can’t play games or even watch them. There is a myth that young people like board games, but I think this is just spin (“lie” is such a hard word.) Think about it! Games are, by definition, competition, and when you have competition you have winners and – OMG – losers. This is the Anti-Christ of the 21^st century. If an activity isn’t win/win, it just doesn’t happen.

They can’t watch television — except The Handmaid’s Tale. The trigger warnings in Game of Thrones alone would fill an encyclopedia (that’s Google for old people.) Even the blandest of the bland, the antique sitcom, Friends — a program so inoffensive it can’t even be called vanilla (that suggests way too much flavour) is a minefield of politically incorrect thought. Nope, TV is out!

They can’t go to the zoo. Animals in captivity? That’s just crazy talk.

They can’t go to a museum. If the single statue of some dead guy is offensive, a whole building full of history could cause apoplectic shock.

They can’t read books published before 1980. In a time when To Kill a Mockingbird has been censored, Huck Finn rewritten and Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Screw banned, we’re not many days away from politically correct mobs ransacking libraries and burning the books in the streets. Sad as it may seem, Fahrenheit 451 isn’t fiction anymore; it’s a training manual. So reading is a no-no!

They can’t go to the movies. Here is an industry that has, on several occasions, confessed that it is a whitewashing, cultural appropriating, racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, anti-Latino, anti-Asian, anti-Muslim monopoly, controlled by misogynistic old white men. What’s left? Michael Moore’s “Ain’t It Awful?” documentaries — and even the politically correct are fed up with that guy.

They can’t dine out unless the restaurant grows its own organic food in a hydroponic biosphere in the back garden. Even quinoa and avocados, the meat and potatoes of contemporary life, are suspect. The carbon footprint that brings ancient grains and Aztec fruit to the modern table is just too deep to be tolerated.

And, of course, the super biggie:

They can’t flirt. Don’t even go there!

And that, boys and girls, is why young people are so 24/7 bitchy!

Earl Beatty Has No Balls

(Sorry for the title. I know it’s cheap but I couldn’t resist.)

For the 6,994,000,000 or so people in the world who are blissfully unaware that Toronto, Canada is the centre of the universe, a public school there, one Earl Beatty Junior and Senior, has banned balls. You can read about it here. This has caused some controversy and an immediate reaction from conservative parents in the district. At a time when there is increasing pressure from activist groups to derail progressive policies, we need to set the record straight with a few facts.

First of all, the school did not ban all balls. They merely directed parents to be aware that all “hard” balls (up to and including but not limited to) footballs, soccer balls, baseballs, basketballs, volleyballs and probably bowling balls would be confiscated if students brought them to school. Balls made out of sponge, or nerf material would still be perfectly acceptable and students would be encouraged to enjoy them during supervised recreation.

Secondly, although an outright ban on balls might seem heavy-headed, the school’s reaction was the direct result of a ball-related injury which required hospitalization. Luckily, it was a parent coming to pick up her child who was injured, not a student. However, in light of this single event, the school immediately took a proactive approach to prevent any innocent child from getting a noggin floggin’ in the future.

Thirdly, we need to remember that a ball in the hands (or feet) of a child can lead to a potentially dangerous situation. They may kick or throw it! Young people have not yet developed the cognitive, judgemental or motor skills to properly handle a ball. Make no mistake: without the proper skills, balls are missiles, capable of causing great harm – a quick review of America’s Funniest Home Videos is documented proof of this.

Fourthly, overwhelming medical evidence proves a direct link between the use of balls by children and injury. A study conducted by the American Academy of Pediatrics in 1994 (this is real, by the way) found that between 2 and 8% of all children who play Little League Baseball suffer some kind of injury. Although there are no hard statistics to show the severity of these injuries, or whether or not they occurred as an immediate result of contact with a ball, they all happened in a ball environment. We cannot dismiss these findings as natural or “part of growing up.” It’s obvious that if these children had not been playing Little League Baseball, they would not have come to grievous bodily harm.

Let’s be clear: the banning of balls at Earl Beatty Junior and Senior is a progressive step which could lead to a number of positive outcomes. It’s a known fact that children left unattended with a ball will attempt to play a game. Group games, as we know, are detrimental to a child’s emotional growth. They create “winners” and “losers” a concept which can irreparably damage a child’s self esteem. It is far better to engage young people in activities that focus on individual skill development and provide positive reinforcement than rank their performance on an artificial scale.

Furthermore, we know that most games played with a ball in North America are Eurocentric (soccer, baseball, basketball etc.) forced on the rest of the world during the colonial and neocolonial periods. By eliminating the symbol of oppression, the ball, we allow our children to experience the true diversity of our society at the most primal level — play. Our children are free to explore, without being constrained by a narrow European model. In our changing society, stressing our diversity is very important.

In a much wider sense, the Earl Beatty ban on balls — if viewed in an open, unbiased manner — could result in a district-wide ban, or even a city-wide ban. This would encourage our entire nation to open a dialogue on the role of balls in our society. Perhaps, this could eventually lead to a national “hard” ball registry. We could then control the indiscriminate use of balls and limit their impact to those who would play with them responsibly.

The future is bright, my friends. We can change our world and make it a safer place for our children.

However, there are some in our society who don’t want change. They wish to turn the clock back to a darker time when balls created fear in the youngest and most vulnerable among us. Against those people, we must stand firm. We must send a strong message that hope is better than fear. We must tell them that when any child is put at risk, that is not acceptable. When it is within our power to spare any child needless pain and suffering, we are morally obligated to do it. Children are our future. They are our most precious natural resource.

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