A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society
Young people, beware! The world is full of voices dishing out unsolicited advice about how you should live your life. Most of it is just vague crap like stay in school, don’t do drugs, travel, save your money, take risks, etc. etc. Yeah, yeah, yeah! Good luck tryin’ to do all that in a 24 hour day without taking amphetamines. The problem is not one of these modern day Poloniuses is being honest with you. Here’s the deal. Life is surprisingly long, it’s changeable and, unfortunately, it’s those little decisions that have the uncanny ability to show up years later and make you look like a loser. Here are some truths.
Tattoos — Rethink the ink. Back in the day, body art was cool, but this is 2016 and tattoos have become the monogram of the middle class. They’re about as badass as a minivan. The reality is, if you truly believe gothic demons, “Sexy Lady” or the Chinese character for “Bliss” is still going to be primo important to you when you’re 50, you have a distinct lack of imagination. That’s like keeping your highschool hair style for 30 years! However, if you must get dermatologically decorated, think small because, as you get older, gigantic, saggy-ass tattoos are a spectacular way to tell the world your party’s over.
Smoking — That’s just stupid.
Sex tapes — Don’t! I know the temptation is almost unbearable, but recording your sexual adventures is never a good idea. There are just too many ways for your private passions to become public property. Even if you’re completely comfortable with Rashid, down at the grocery store, critiquing your technique with the produce manager — while you’re standing there — it’s going to be mega awkward in twenty years when 12 year old Emma accidently stumbles on Mom and what may (or may not) be Daddy, orally engaged. That, my friends, is a dignity killer!
Bad relationships — Don’t waste your time. The difference between love and lust can be measured in shots of tequila. Never try to justify horny with violins and roses. Sometimes, they’re the same — no doubt. However, wanting to have sex with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve met your soulmate. True love does exist but … that ache in the bottom of your belly might just be a bad case of libido. Think of it this way! Love is fun, so if you’re spending more time “trying to make this relationship work” than actually enjoying it — it’s time to move on. Bitter can become a bad habit.
We all get old eventually; that’s the easy part. It’s the little things that let you do it gracefully.