WD Fyfe

A Sideways Glare at Contemporary Society

What You Miss When You’re Cyber-blind


I have a friend who is cyber-blind.  He doesn’t have a computer; he doesn’t have a tablet; he doesn’t have a cell phone.  In fact, he barely has cable TV (and no PVR!)  But he isn’t one of those pompous asses who’s constantly reminding the world that he lives on a higher plane of consciousness because he’s transcended technology.  No, he’s just a regular guy.  And as he tells it, “I missed the beginning of the digital revolution, and now the learning curve is too steep for me to catch up.”  He’s perfectly content, BTW, but the obvious question is: how does he function, on a daily basis, in a world that can’t go to the toilet without tweeting the results?

Here are just a few things my friend is missing:

1,612 Instagram Photos of Food — One of the requirements of an Instagram account is that you must eat at least 9 meals a day.  And I’m certain nobody under 30 knows what hot food tastes like because, by the time they’ve produced the photographic evidence, it’s cold.

16,120 Useless Email Messages — Aside from being cursed at birth, there is no earthly reason why my email account overflows every couple of days and I have to spend at least a half an hour, cleaning up the crap.  Who the hell even uses email anymore?

161,204 YouTube Videos — You start off, in the early evening, clicking on a 3-minute video about how to stuff a Cornish Hen and end up — somewhere south of midnight — watching “Best Of Drunk Girl Fails 2014,” posted by a Ukrainian named Nemski.  Don’t deny it!  You’ve done it, too!

1,612,047 Facebook Homilies — What is it about Facebook that attracts idiot clichés?  Facebook could be one of the greatest forums for intelligent discussion in history, but what do we get?  Cute kitten memes that tell us to “Value your friends, cuz true friendship is purrfect!”

16,120,479 Twitter Trolls — I don’t care how you slice the pie, Twitter is Lord of the Flies with Wifi!  It’s as if Jack the Ripper’s evil twin built a digital playground for all his nasty little friends and then turned them loose on the world.

But the very worst thing in the digital universe is:

161 Passwords — Every time you turn around in cyberspace, you need a new password.  I’m absolutely convinced that Websites demand that these weirdo afflictions have at least 8 characters, 2 prime numbers, 1 capital, 1 lower case, 3 symbols, an emoji, a hieroglyphic, a quadratic equation, a Greek letter, a Cyrillic letter and the first three letters of your great-aunt’s maiden name because they want to see just how obedient we are to our computer overlords!

15 comments on “What You Miss When You’re Cyber-blind

  1. The Real Reality Show Blog
    February 27, 2018

    Nemski posts the best videos! 😂

    • wdfyfe
      February 27, 2018

      He’s something special!!

  2. CJ Hartwell
    February 27, 2018

    One of my coworkers has her passwords taped underneath her mouse pad. I believe there are 161 of them, too.
    Please don’t tell her I told you.

    • wdfyfe
      February 27, 2018

      I used to keep mine on my phone — protected by a password — but I changed phones. Now I’m waiting for my old man memory to fail me and I’ll have to start again.

  3. Claudette
    February 28, 2018

    Password re the pits – and they seem to breed like rabbits.

    • wdfyfe
      February 28, 2018

      In the future anthropologist are going to wonder what we were doing with this gibberish.

      • Claudette
        March 1, 2018

        Yep, the whole internet/social media thing is going to be quite a topic for conversations I suspect.

  4. Rob Alberts
    March 2, 2018

    I hate passwords!

    Though I enjoy my spectacles and hearing aid.
    Should I buy a TV?


    • wdfyfe
      March 2, 2018

      Passwords are the worst but you don’t need them to watch TV.

      • Rob Alberts
        March 3, 2018

        I am very happy without a tele.

        But the amount of passwords are sometimes bothering me.


      • wdfyfe
        March 3, 2018

        I didn’t have a television for years but then I discovered European TV and now I’m hooked

      • Rob Alberts
        March 4, 2018

        I do not like Dutch broadcasting.
        I used to watch German programs.
        And visiting my neighbour I see a lot of BBC programs.

        Still not used to watch the tele for a long time/


  5. Dick
    March 2, 2018

    If I do get your message right your friend is not to be pitied in anyway. I think that personally I might still miss some info, some blogs and some of the 576,000 hours worth of videos that are uploaded daily on youtube, but only a tiny fraction of that of course.

  6. Joe
    March 4, 2018

    I envy your friend. The digital world crept into our lives and now we can’t function without it.

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This entry was posted on February 27, 2018 by in Culture, Humor, Humour, Social Media and tagged , , , , , , .
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