Category: Social Media

You’re NOT entitled to your opinion!

One of the most enduring myths of our time is “Everybody is entitled to their own opinion.”  People tend to believe this because it’s been repeated so many times and it kinda sounds good.  It’s sort of like saying we’re all in this together or some other such egalitarian nonsense.  Unfortunately, regardless of how many times you say it, it’s still a myth.  In fact, it’s an out-and-out lie.  In reality, “Everybody is entitled to their own opinion” is just the Happy Face version of the end of the argument when everybody wants to change the subject but nobody knows how.  Essentially, it’s cocktail party code for “You’re a jerk, but I’m tired.”  The problem is that tons of people think it’s actually true.  They believe that everybody’s two-bit opinion (mostly their own) can share the stage with everybody else’s.  They’re the folks we know who are constantly traveling on the Stupid Train and then telling the rest of us all about the journey.  This kind of thinking has caused no end of problems in our society.  So, for everybody’s benefit, let’s just take a moment to shoot this myth in the head and bury it in the backyard.

The whole thing started when somebody who wasn’t all that bright, got confused.  He made the mistake of thinking equal rights actually meant “equal.”  This is another myth for another time, but here’s the Twitter version.  Alex Ovechkin is a better hockey player than I am; therefore, we are not equals.  Nobel Prize winner Seamus Heaney is a better writer than I am; therefore, we are not equals.  (This goes on and on but you get the idea.)  We have equal rights, equal opportunity, equal everything else — but we are not actually equal.  Opinions work the same way.  Seamus Heaney might have an opinion about the “left wing lock” in hockey, but quite frankly, I’d go with Ovechkin on that one.  Heaney is a pretty smart guy but his opinion about hockey is useless.  In any hypothetical conversation with me or Alex Ovechkin, he’s not entitled to an opinion because he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  It’s that simple.

All kinds of people think they are entitled to an opinion when they don’t know anything about a situation.  For example, if your toilet is plugged, you don’t call your lawyer and ask her for advice.  She’ll probably tell you to sue American Standard (which isn’t going to do you very much good in the short term.)  In this situation, you want the opinion of a plumber.  Your lawyer, no matter how exceptional she might be at wills, contracts or business law, is not entitled to render an opinion about your plumbing.  In fact, if she did she’d have to sue herself for negligence — on your behalf — and just think how much money that’s going to cost you.  I’m constantly amazed at the number of people out there who offer their opinions on subjects they know nothing about and then proudly defend themselves because they think they’re entitled to them.  And that’s not all.

There’s a misunderstanding these days that if you work or play in an industry, you have some kind of all-purpose, intuitive expertise.  For instance, I don’t know how many times I’ve heard doctors yakking on about our medical system (both for and against.)  Are you kidding me?  That’s like the guy who makes your latte at Starbucks telling you how to run a coffee plantation.  “Hey! Dr. Do Little!  Just exactly when in med school did they teach you construction cost analysis and labour relations?”  If I want my appendix out, I’m going to see a doctor.  If I want to build a hospital, I’m going to go to a construction company.  The plain fact is that — unless you can back your opinion up with cold, hard evidence — you’re not entitled to it.  I don’t care if you’re a doctor, a lawyer or a Knight of the Round Table.

Here’s what I mean.  It is my opinion that penguins are green.  Everybody knows that the only people who can actually say this are allegorical artists and people who have just eaten most of their crayons.  I offer no evidence to support my claim.  I’m not a zoologist.  I don’t live in Antarctica.  I’ve only seen black and white penguins a couple of times.  But it’s my opinion that penguins are green.  Why — under any circumstances known to me, man or penguin — am I entitled to this opinion?  Just because?  What rational, reasonable (Hell — unreasonable) argument can anybody put forth to support this as a valid opinion, deserving consideration?

Nobody distinguishes between opinion and informed opinion anymore.  The greatest minds of our time are being lumped in with rock stars and actresses.  I’m not saying celebrities are stupid, but honestly, the ability to cry on cue isn’t the kind of talent we should be looking for to drive our decision-making.  There are a whole pile of people wandering around labouring under the misconception that if Ted down the street comes up with some homemade theory of economic development, it’s just as good as the experts’ at the University of Chicago.  It’s not.  We need to get nasty and tell these folks they’re sucking pond water.  And while we’re at it, we might want to tell some of the Teds of this world to “Sit down and shut up!”

Of course, all this is just my opinion.

St. Patrick’s Day Trivia

There is no true story about Saint Patrick’s Day.  The great storytellers of Ireland have changed the tale around so many times over the years that fact, legend and “that sounds good” are now inextricably woven together.  St. Patrick himself was probably English (but don’t say that too loud.)  He likely learned his trade in France and showed up in Ireland when the whole place was covered in heathens.  When you’re starting with that kind of raw material, you’re going to have a certain level of success in the converting business.  There’s also no evidence that he drove the snakes out of Ireland, but, as any Irishmen will tell you, there’s no evidence that he didn’t.  This, of course, calls up the annoying habit the Irish have of answering a question with another question.  For example, “Are you a carpenter?”  “What if I am?”

In actual fact, the St. Patrick’s Day we know and love was started by the people of New York City (Boston claims they started it, the lying buggers) where there are just about as many people of Irish descent as there are in Ireland.  The Irish in Ireland don’t celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with drunken parties the way we do in North America – although that’s changing – and most true Irish call St. Patrick’s Day Amateur Night.  They watch the North American parades and revelry on TV.

However, if you’re going to get after the Guinness on March 17th, here are a few tidy bits of trivia that you can throw into the mix somewhere between the first “wee touch of Bushmill’s” and “Come out and fight, ye Black and Tans!”  Sprinkle these around, and you will amaze your friends and confound your enemies.  And if that isn’t Irish, I don’t know what is!

Ireland has produced more Nobel Prizes in Literature per capita than any other country in the world.  They have four: Seamus Heaney, Samuel Beckett, George Bernard Shaw and William Butler Yeats.

If you want to be part of the literary scene in Dublin, go to Glasnevin Cemetery and leave a pint of Guinness on Brendan Behan’s grave – everybody else does.

Riverdance actually happens quite a bit in Irish pubs.  Overcome by the music, ordinary patrons will get up and dance.   Here’s just a word of caution, though: leave it to the locals — it’s their pub.

Ireland is the only place in the world where windmills turn clockwise.  Mention this after a couple of adult beverages and then shrug your shoulders and say, “Nobody knows why.“  (Actually, it has something to do with the gearing mechanism, but don’t tell your friends that.) 

The Guinness Book of World Records was started by Norris and Ross McWhirter, in 1954, as a handy reference book to settle arguments in pubs.  Originally, one thousand copies were printed and given away as a Guinness advertising promotion.

The O’Connell Bridge in Dublin is the only bridge in Europe that’s wider than it is long.

Although he’s no longer qualified to be a saint, you can find the remains of Saint Valentine in Whitefriar Street Carmelite Church in Dublin.

An Irish toast: “May you live one hundred years and then one year more — to repent.”

On average, between 6:00 pm on Friday and 3:00 am on Monday, the city of Dublin consumes 9,800 pints of beer – every hour.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were drinking one night when the conversation turned to death and funerals.  The Englishman said, “At my funeral, I want them to say that I was a fine family man, and tell all the people that I was a good husband and father.”  The Scotsman said, “At my funeral, I want people to talk about what a good friend I was, loyal and trustworthy.”  The Irishman thought about it for a moment and said, “At my funeral I want somebody to say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’”

Irish Proverb: You’ve got to do your own growing — no matter how tall your grandfather was.

There are hundreds of statues in Dublin, and the locals refer to them affectionately and often.  For example, the statue of Molly Malone on Grafton Street is called “The Tart with the Cart,” the Two Women by Ha’Penny Bridge are called “The Hags with the Bags” and the water statue of Anna Livia is “The Floozy in the Jacuzzi.”  Without using Google, can you guess what Dubliners call the statues of James Joyce and Oscar Wilde?

The Guinness Book of World Records holds the Guinness World Record as the book most often stolen from public libraries.

Speaking of Guinness, Arthur Guinness started brewing his famous beer at the St James Brewery in Dublin in 1759.  He was so confident that he would be successful at making beer that he signed a 9,000 year lease on the property.  Currently, Guinness pays approximately $60.00 rent every year for the enormous facility.

An Irish curse: “May the curse of Molly Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can’t find you with a telescope!”

It rains every day in Ireland.  They don’t call it the Emerald Isle for nothing.  If you don’t believe me, show up without an umbrella.

Legend has it that the Irish monk Saint Brendan was the first European tourist to visit the Americas — over five hundred years before Christopher Columbus.

And finally, when asked about the Irish, Sigmund Freud once said, “This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.”

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everybody!

St. Patrick’s Day Quiz

As you may have guessed, March 17th, is St. Patrick’s Day — when everyone in the world is Irish.  Unfortunately, due to the economic slowdown, Ireland can no longer afford to grant everybody temporary Irish citizenship.  Therefore, they have devised a series of questions to test your knowledge and commitment to Ireland heritage.  Please consider every question carefully and answer truthfully.
Lying will be severely punished.
When you have completed your quiz, e-mail the answers to Tourism Ireland — they will be pleased to hear from you.  On St. Patrick’s Day, regardless of your test scores, you may drink Irish beer (whiskey) sing Irish songs, dance Irish dances, read Irish poetry etc, etc, etc.  However, unless you passed the test and have been officially notified, you may not wear any goofy “Kiss me, I’m Irish” paraphernalia, including (but not limited to) hats, t-shirts, buttons and underwear.  Thank you for your cooperation, and good luck.

1 – The Shamrock is the symbol of Ireland because
a) The Scots already took the thistle
b) we’d look pretty stupid looking for a lucky leek
c) it beats the hell out of Sham Wow

2 – James Joyce wrote complicated stuff like Finnegan’s Wake because:
a) some idiot gave him a typewriter
b) He knew you can fool some of the people all of the time
c) he couldn’t actually see what he was doing
d) he lost a bet with Yeats

3 – Which of the following (be specific)
a) The Playboy of the Western World
b) County Cork
c) the foggy, foggy dew
d) Ryan’s Daughter
e) Bernadette Devlin’s cousin

4 – Which of the following does not have a prominent statue in Dublin?
a) Oscar Wilde
b) Molly Malone
c) James Joyce
d Barack O’Bama

5 – True or False?

6 – The phrase “Erin go bragh” means:
a) All girls must wear underwear
b)Let my people go, ya thievin’ English bastards
c)Who’s for another pint, then?
d) Like “aloha,” it doesn’t mean anything — until the tourists show up

7 – The Irish used to eat a lot of potatoes because:
a) They’d been on sale since the 4th century
b) Wouldn’t you, under similar circumstances?
c) They were involuntary vegetarians
d) the recipe called for them

8 – Fill in the blanks:
___________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________

9 – Sinn Fein is:
a) a community group whose members just happen to carry automatic weapons
b) the political wing of the International Realtors’ Association
c)Bombs ‘R’ Us
d) The love child of Eamon de Valera and Connie Markiewicz

10 – If it weren’t for the Irish, we would all be:
a) up to our ass in leprechauns
b) nursing a hangover on March 18th — for no apparent reason
c) drinking Swedish whiskey and singing “When Norwegian Eyes are Smiling”
d) finally able to tell Bono his 15 minutes are up

11 – Compare the following:
George Bernard Shaw

12 – Ireland is:
a) 4 million alcoholics, clinging to a rock
b) a Celtic theme park off the coast of Europe
c) a minimum security prison for poets and folk singers
d) a large greenspace filled with a whole pile of people still pissed off about that Easter thing

13 – Saint Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland because:
a) he wanted them all for himself, the greedy bugger
b)eco-diversity hadn’t been invented yet
c)he was giving them up for Lent
d) some Englishman told him not to

14 – “I’d rather rule in Ireland than spend the rest of my life in a stinking English prison.” – Liam, Prince of Donegal (1573-1604)
In a land of poets and storytellers, why did Liam take such great pains to state the bloody obvious?  Be specific.

Score:
If you answered yes to any of the questions, you’re a moron and don’t deserve to be Irish.
If you sang your answers – You’re Welsh!
If you’re still stuck on Question 4, you might very well be Irish.
If you re-programmed the quiz to make a video game called “Leprechaun Hunter,” you need to come out of the basement and ask your parents if you’re Irish — if they haven’t already moved.
If you answered the questions on YouTube and declared yourself the winner, Sheen is an Irish name.
If you answered – a – c – c – d – true – d – b – wtf – a – d – no – c – d,  congratulations!  The party starts at 6 and the poetry starts at 7.  See you there!

Of course, #14 is a trick question.  If we remember our Chronicles of Cork, what Liam, Prince of Donegal actually said was, “I’d rather go to school in Ireland than spend the rest of my life in a stinking English prison.”  Which mays a lot more sense.