Maybe today is a good day to just take a break and say, “Enough!



Cult Of Celebrity!


It may be too much to hope for, but it looks as if the terrible, terrible plague that has gripped our planet for far too long may be over.  … SERIOUS PAUSE … Uh – no – not that one, the other one: the soul- eating Cult of Celebrity.  Maybe — just maybe — our unholy obsession with celebrities could be in its final days.

It all started in March when Wonder Woman and her tone deaf (that works on so many levels!) choir trotted out John Lennon’s ode to hypocrisy, Imagine.  Although they meant it as feel-good manna from the ruling class, it didn’t take the peasants more than a few minutes to “imagine” Gal and the gang were a bunch of assholes.  After all, millionaires telling a bunch of people who are having trouble paying the rent to “imagine no possessions” is kinda adding insult to injury.  And from there, it just got worse.  Ellen DeGeneres, the world’s mightiest sycophant, told us that living in her multi-million dollar mansion was like “being in jail.”  Clearly, Ms. DeGeneres has never been in jail, seen a jail or even had a jail carefully described to her.  And of course, since then we’ve all learned that, even as she spoke, her smiles and chuckles production company was treating the staff as if Ellen was the warden.  Then along came Madonna, the Queen of Pop, and named Covid-19 the “the great equaliser.”  Oddly enough, she did it stark naked in a bathtub that probably cost more than my car!  Apparently, some of us are more equal than others, huh, Madge?  Then there was Jennifer Lopez frolicking in her huge backyard; Pharrell Williams, asking for money; Katy Perry, bored out of her mind, and on and on and on.  But for sheer audacity, nothing beats the crew of really, really white people on Twitter, celebsplaining how much Black Lives Matter in their “I Take Responsibility” campaign.  These Malibu militants were giving it their best shot, but it was almost impossible not to laugh at their “Dammit, I’m sincere!” sincerity.  First of all, they’re actors – Duh!  Secondly, we all know their only brush with black anything is probably Will Smith.  And finally, aside from wearing a T-shirt and maybe giving the housekeeper a Christmas bonus, these folks were done.  When they shut off the camera, they were going back to their enormous homes, their manicured lawns, their nannies, their drivers, their personal assistants and a little Grey Goose by the pool.  The message might be “We’re all in this together,” but anyone who’s watching knows we aren’t.

The truth is without Award Shows, Red Carpets, parties, photo-ops and the Late Night Jimmies (Kimmel and Fallon) the celebrity emperor has no clothes.  When push comes to shove and serious stuff is on the table, it’s painfully obvious that celebrities are less than useless.  In fact, they’re part of the problem, because they insist that fame somehow makes them relevant — that their political insights, their social awareness and – OMG! — their medical advice actually means something.  It doesn’t.  It’s just muddying the water.  Personally, I’m praying that, as more and more people discover this, when the New Normal finally gets here, there won’t be any room for these parasites.  We can only hope!

The Loss Of “I Don’t Know”


One of the weird casualties of the 21st century is that insignificant little phrase, “I don’t know.”  Think about it!  When was the last time you heard anybody say “I don’t know”?  It’s been awhile, right?  We don’t say “I don’t know” anymore because, in actual fact, we do know – literally everything.  It’s called a smart phone, and it puts all of us within a couple of swipes of the knowledge of the universe.  Unfortunately, this minor adjustment in the way we use our language has had a major impact on our society.

Personally, I lament the loss of “I don’t know.”  Back in the day, “I don’t know” helped us gracefully escape from all kinds of situations.

The strange guy on the street who smelled like dirty feet – (before Google Maps)
“Hey, dude, I think I’ve got, like, aliens following me.  Do you know where the cop shop is so I can report them?”
Solution — “I don’t know”– and a quick walk the other way.

The boring girl at the party – (before IMDb)
“Who was that guy?  You know– that guy.  He was in that movie with Liam Neeson where he shoots all those people?  You know– him.  It was before he was famous.  He has those pretty eyes.  I can see him.  And, and he was in that other movie– you know, the one with what’s-her-name.  You know the guy?
Solution — “I don’t know”–  and move on to the shrimp dip.

Aunt Myra’s problem with her antique bathroom – (before YouTube)
“When your uncle was alive, he used to take care of these things.  I know I still have the tools somewhere.  It’s probably just plugged under the sink.”
Solution — “I don’t know anything about plumbing, auntie.  Sorry.”

The friend who wants you to help him move – (before Android Calendar)
“Come on, man!  I gotta be out by the end of the month, or she’s going to throw all my stuff off the balcony.  Please, please, please tell me you can give me a hand on Saturday?
Solution – “I don’t know.  I’ll have to go home and check.”

It’s sad, but without the cushion of “I don’t know,” all of us are now saddled with a lot more responsibility, and I’m pretty sure Steve Jobs didn’t think about that back in 2005.