Stupid Is As Stupid Was

It’s generally agreed that we’re living in an age of extraordinary stupidity. Our role models are celebrities whose careers consist of wardrobe malfunctions, the highest ambitions of our children don’t reach higher than the stars of Reality TV, and our vision of the future is Season 8 of The Walking Dead. Let’s face it, folks: Einstein, Newton, Archimedes and Copernicus are all spinning in their graves — even though most of us don’t know who the hell those people are! However, here’s a thought: I don’t actually believe the human race is any stupider now, than it’s ever been. It’s just that, these days, our technology makes us aware of it. Here are a few quotes from the past which illustrate my point. First of all:

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” Charles H Duell, Commissioner of US Office of Patents — 1899

Telephone

“It is impossible to transmit speech electrically. The ‘telephone’ is as mythical as the unicorn.” Johan Poggendorrf, German physicist — 1860

“This telephone has too any shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.” Western Union internal memo — 1876

Film

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” H.W. Warner (Warner Brothers Studio) — 1927

“I have determined that there is no market for talking pictures.” Thomas Edison — 1926

Television

“Theoretically, television may be feasible, but I consider it an impossibility — a development which we should waste little time dreaming about.” Lee de Forest, inventor of the cathode ray — 1926

“Television won’t last because people will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.” Darryl Zanuck, movie producer — 1946

“Television won’t last. It’s a flash in the pan.”
Mary Somerville, radio personality — 1948

Computers

“There’s no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home.” Ken Olson, Digital Equipment Corporation — 1977

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” Thomas J. Watson, Chairman IBM — 1943

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” Bill Gates — 1981

“The truth is no online database will replace your daily newspaper.” Cliff Stoll, Newsweek — 1995

Flight

“Flight by machines heavier than air is unpractical and insignificant, if not utterly impossible,” Simon Newcomb, mathematician — 1902 (two weeks before the Wright brothers proved him wrong.)

“Airplanes are interesting toys, but they have no military value.” Marshal Ferdinand Foch — 1911

Odds and Ends

“It will be years – not in my time – before a woman will become Prime Minister.” Margaret Thatcher — 1974

“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.” Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology — 1872

“No audience will ever be able to take more than ten minutes of animation.”
Walt Disney executive, considering Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs — 1930s

“That ‘rainbow’ song is no good. It slows the picture down.” an MGM producer, after first screening of The Wizard of Oz — 1939

But this is my favourite:

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.”
Decca Recording Company, rejecting the Beatles — 1962

I rest my case.

Virtually Indestructible!

Last week, Apple came out with the iPhone7. By my count, that’s seven different iPhones since they were first introduced in 2007. Simple math and the life expectancy of an Apple telephone is, give or take, 18 months. That’s pathetic. Even in dog years, that’s pathetic. Let’s face it, Apple is making their phones to be thrown away — and it doesn’t have to be that way. Remember the old Nokia phones? I have no idea how the Finns made those things, but you couldn’t tear them up with hand grenades. I’ll betcha there are still people out there somewhere using them. But the Nokia phone is proof we don’t have to live in a world where everything falls apart. Here are some other examples (taken from my personal experience) of everyday stuff that will last forever under normal use:

Zippo Lighters — Every badass on this planet has a Zippo lighter (mine is monogrammed.) Zippos have been through at least 3 major wars and come out the other side. They’ve gone to the top of Everest and been salvaged out of the Pacific Ocean. Treat them right, and you’ll never even have to replace the wick. Break them (practically impossible) and Zippo will fix them for free.

Flash Drive Memory Sticks — The only bit of contemporary technology that will outlast the data you’ve got stored on it.

Tilley Hats — These things don’t wear out — ever. And if yours does (which it won’t) Tilley will replace it — no charge. Rumour has it that a Tilley hat was once eaten by an elephant and a couple of days later, through the normal course of events, the owner got it back — intact. I don’t know whether he washed it and wore it, but he did get it back.

Crocs — Yeah, they don’t wear out but that’s not a good thing.

Lego — At a time when most kids’ toys break getting them out of the box, Lego is the wunderkind of every child’s imagination. You can build anything with Lego, then take it apart and build something else — a million times — because Lego bricks never break. They’re manufactured to withstand 400 kilograms (900 lbs.) of pressure, which means Lego will survive tornadoes, cyclones, tsunamis, hurricanes and even most earthquakes. About the only way to deliberately destroy a piece of Lego is shoot it with a high-powered rifle. So, if your kid ever breaks a piece of Lego, just back away slowly and call the police.

And finally:

Cast Iron Pans — My mother had a cast iron pan (God only knows where she got it from) that my sister just recently gave to her granddaughter. That’s one single frying pan, used and abused by four plus generations, for what’s getting close to 100 years. And you’d never know my great niece didn’t buy it yesterday. Heavy, awkward and ugly, you can hit a cast iron pan with a truck and check for damage — on the truck. I’m pretty sure that after The Apocalypse, cockroaches will be cooking their bacon in a cast iron frying pan.

I spit on planned obsolescence and drive away — in my 1985 Toyota Tercel.

Seriously Trivial!

Here are some things you probably have never thought about:

1 — If you Google “Star Wars movie mistakes” you get over 4 million different websites in 0.38 seconds. I didn’t scroll through them all, but — wow! I can’t even imagine the massive number of nerd hours it took to examine all 13 hours and 14 minutes of the Star Wars franchise, frame by frame, and create even one of these. However, I have seen more than a few smug clouds enveloping the pompous asses who insist on discussing their particular Star Wars, Star Trek or Stargate discoveries.

2 — Rumour has it that the four Indiana Jones movies are chemically-induced hallucinations that Han Solo had when he was frozen in carbonite in The Empire Strikes Back. As if?

3 — There is a fan theory that much of the Disney movie universe is connected. For example, Elsa and Anna’s father, King Agnarr from Frozen, is thought to be Rapunzel (from Tangled‘s) mother’s brother. Thus, when he and Queen Iduna were lost at sea, they were on their way to their niece Rapunzel’s wedding to Flynn Ryder. Furthermore, the storm that sinks their ship off the coast of Africa is the same one that rejuvenates the land in The Lion King, plus the sunken wreck that Ariel explores in The Little Mermaid is that same ship! Not only that but, Agnarr and Iduna survive the catastrophe, make their way ashore and eventually have a son — Tarzan — Elsa and Anna’s little brother. This isn’t just idle chatter, like that Han Solo crap. Much of it is backed up by some pretty substantial circumstantial evidence.

4 — There are hundreds of theories about what’s in the briefcase from Pulp Fiction, but the most enduring is it’s Marcellus Wallace’s soul.

5 — Millions of people want to believe R+L=J, and thousands and thousands of people are working, day and night, to find the clues that prove it.

6 — A lot of people think that originally, Gandalf the Grey, from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, had a cunning plan to use the eagles to fly Frodo, Samwise and The Ring directly to Mordor, drop the jewelry into Mount Doom and be back in The Shire by Second Breakfast. Unfortunately, Gandalf unexpectedly gets his ass kicked by the Belrog in the Mines of Moria, and when he comes back to life as Gandalf the White, he’s forgotten all about it. And, to many people, Gandalf’s last words to Frodo, “Fly, you fools!” is indisputable proof of this.

7 — I said all this to say we live in an age of relentless entertainment, and our society has become so abundant and benevolent that we can indulge ourselves in it, any time we please — for as long as we please. Where once entertainment was an occasional escape from grim reality, to many people these days it is their greater reality. And, like it or not, that has blurred the line between what we treat seriously and what is mere trivia.

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