More Summer News


I love it when the news cooperates!  Sometimes being a writer is hard work, but every once in a while, the news just falls into your lap like a half-eaten hotdog squirting out of the bun.  It’s messy, it’s not very nice, but everybody who sees it thinks it’s funny.

It turns out yet another US president got played like a cheap violin.  Diplomats all over the world have been duping US presidents since Woodrow Wilson got his ass handed to him by Georges Clemenceau at the Treaty of Versailles in 1919.  This latest fiasco happened at the Donald Trump/Kim Jong-un Summit last month.  Everybody walked away all smiles and chuckles, but come to find out, the only country that got what they wanted was China — a diminished US military presence in Northeast Asia.  Plus ça change!

Some lions in South Africa got pissed off and ate a couple of poachers.  These guys probably had friends and families, but I’m pretty sure most of the world is cheering for the lions.  Just goes to show you that our compassion for the tragic loss of human life is actually on a sliding scale.

According to the UN, a bunch of Syrians have returned home after a de-escalation in the fighting between – uh – God only knows.  (Figuring out who’s fighting who in Syria is like doing a Rubik Cube blindfolded — good luck!)  The point is, however, why?  I’ve seen Syria on TV, and it looks to me as if those people haven’t seen a tree, a bush or a blade of grass in a coupla hundred years.  I can’t imagine how returning home is the best option for anybody who actually managed to get the hell outta there.  But home is where the heart is – I guess!

And finally:

Scarlett Johansson is getting beaten up on Twitter – again.  This time, she’s been cast as a transgender woman/man in a movie.  Apparently (according to Twitter, anyway) only transgender people should portray transgender people in movies.  Oddly, Ms. Johansson, an American from New York, was not criticized for portraying a 16th century English aristocrat (The Other Boleyn Girl) a 17th Dutch servant (Girl With A Pearl Earring) a Russian assassin (all the Marvel movies) a computer (Her) an alien (Under The Skin) or a snake (The Jungle Book.)  Call me old-fashioned, but I’m pretty sure the entire (and only) purpose of “acting” is to “act” like the character you’re trying to portray — and if you do a good job, they give you tons of money and a bunch of awards.  I realize Twitter logic is an oxymoron, but this kinda thinking actually defeats the whole point of the profession.

I’m Tired Of Trump

donald-trumpOkay, I’m officially tired of Donald Trump.  I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with the guy.  It’s been three solid months.  Even Jack the Ripper got a day off, for God’s sake!
I don’t care how bad he is.
I don’t care how good he is.
I don’t care what he looks like, where he goes or who comes to see him.
I don’t care that Saturday Night Live hasn’t been this relevant since Chevy Chase discovered Gerald Ford was clumsy.
I don’t care that Alec Baldwin doesn’t like Trump.
I don’t care that Stephen Baldwin does.
And I don’t give a rat’s ass for Rosie O’Donnell’s opinion.  (That woman’s just mean.)
Actually, I’m sick and tired of celebrity millionaires telling me how I’m supposed to care and what I’m supposed to care about.  I’ve got a  new rule: I’m not taking any advice from people who don’t buy their own toilet paper.  (And BTW, I’ve seen some of those movies they’re calling art.  They ain’t!)
I’m tired of Trumpeters, for and against, cluttering up my Twitter feed.
I’m tired of turning on the TV and seeing nothing but Trump.
I’m tired of people plastering Trump all over Facebook.  The election’s over; it’s time to get back to sick kids and kittens.

Personally, despite what the media says, I don’t think Donald Trump is smart enough to be the Antichrist, but, if he is — well — why doesn’t he get on with it?
And I definitely don’t think he’s the best president since Teddy Roosevelt.  So far, pretty much everything he’s touched has gone sideways.
So maybe — just maybe — he’s somewhere in the middle.

But that’s the problem.

It’s impossible to have a reasonable political discussion about the relative merits or demerits of a Trump presidency because every dumbass from Maine to Malibu is shouting an opinion — and most of it is just noise.

So until we quit being immature jerks, running around calling each other names, I’m out.  And, as of right now, if all the Trump supporters and all the Trump detractors were gathered naked in Antarctic, I wouldn’t give any one of them the steam off my pee to keep warm.

There’s more to this world than Donald Trump, folks!

Trump — The Reality

donaldIt’s been a week since the American people elected Donald Trump president of the United States, and The Apocalypse hasn’t shown up yet.  Yes, there have been some “Not My President” protests (as part of that “orderly transition of power” we’ve all heard so much about) but, honestly, if Trump is even half the Antichrist the protesters say he is … well … I doubt very much if smashing windows in Portland is gonna dissuade the boy from his satanic purpose.  So, maybe it’s time to talk a little reality here.

(Full Disclosure — I’m not a Trump fan, and I wouldn’t have voted for him.)

Myth — Donald was elected by stupid white men who got pissed off when they finally realized that the media and other college-educated people were making fun of them.
Reality — Nothing could be further from the truth.  White men have known for years that the mainstream media and their urban elite demographic believe “middle class white male” is synonymous with knuckle-dragging Neanderthal Hillbilly.  God, we’re not that stupid!

Myth — Calling Donald Trump stupid, evil, a racist, a fascist, a misogynist, homophobic, sexist, xenophobic and anti-intellectual should have convinced voters that he is unfit to be president.
Reality — Every Republican candidate since Eisenhower has been called all those names — and worse.  They don’t mean anything anymore.  These days, a sexist is someone who attempts to hold the door for a pregnant woman and a misogynist is someone who doesn’t.  Or maybe it’s the other way around?  The truth is, nobody knows, and nobody cares.  Hell, there are academics out there who claim Abraham Lincoln was a racist!  Go figure!

Myth — “It’s my turn” is a legitimate reason to be elected President.
Reality — Unfortunately, the centuries-of-oppression argument doesn’t  always work in the real world.  Yes, it’s too bad your religion, gender, ethnic origin, sexual affiliation, etc., etc. had it rough back in 1640, but everybody else’s did, too.  The thing is you weren’t a very good Secretary of State — uh — three years ago, and glass ceiling or not, that counts.

Myth — Rich celebrities are experts on economics, health, transportation, foreign affairs, trade and the environment.  Plus, they have wise political insights.
Reality — I’m not the only person on this planet who’s tired of getting told how politically ignorant I am by a multi-millionaire who has two or three houses, a gardener, a cook and a maid, flies First Class, doesn’t make her own bed, hasn’t shopped for groceries in ten years and just got out of rehab.

Myth — Politically Correct does not stifle communication and must be part of every honest dialogue.
Reality — If you believe that, I’m thinkin’ you got the President you deserve.